Silence

I haven't blogged for a few days, hope I don't lose all my followers.I've been in a lot of "states" lately and I haven't felt like putting down much on paper. And the time thing got in the way too. Anyway, I write with a heavy heart this morning as my cardinal outside my classroom window has been gone since Monday. I was hoping to come in and see little heads peering up with open beaks, waiting to be fed, but ...nothing. No eggs, no birdies, no mom. The nest is empty. As it is in an enclosed courtyard, I can't imagine that an animal of prey would have gotten it. Kids don't normally have access to this part, as it is up on a raised bed in the corner, that surely their teacher would see them rummaging in the bushes.

So I wonder? Did mom just get overwhelmed and fly the coop? I did know of a mom that did that once to her three kids, never did understand that. As frustrated and exhausting as it is raising children at times, I cannot imagine abandoning them for selfish pleasures of my own. (Although at times I know I dreamed of it in my head- who hasn't, as a mom of multiple children? You now you have!)
Or did she build her nest and find out she was unable to lay eggs? The sorrow of a barren womb is another life tragedy, having seen couples go through it, though not experiencing it on a personal basis, I can only imagine the heartache. Is that why she left?

I guess I will never know the answer, just as I won't know the answers to many questions that I have , until I get to heaven. I know God is patient, he'll have to be as my list keeps getting longer each day.

Taxing Road Trip

To go or not to go today- that is the question. I wish that phrase would stop running through my head.



My husband is the master planner. He has files full of planned trips and vacations that he hopes to take someday. I must say we have been on some pretty amazing adventures. Today's day trip is to a sleepy town on the river to a restaurant with a beautiful view, followed by a trip through another small town loaded with antique shops (to window shop- remember we are on the Total Money Makeover).With a possible side trip thrown in to Hadley Pottery, one of my favorites. Sounds romantic, doesn't it?



My hesitation? TAXES. They are looming over my head, the monkey on my shoulder, the ever present feeling that I will not be able to get them done. I have already put in countless hours and they are still not done. I'm still waiting on the T4 from Canada (equivalent to our W2), so I guess I have that excuse. And Turbo Tax's prices go up on the 28th -oh wait that is today (what a rip...you get started and then are punished for not finishing two weeks before you have to file!)So now I have to decide also if I want to pay more by waiting to pay the taxes that I already owe on. I hate taxes.



Last year we went to a company that offered free tax prep for teachers. It took our guy forever to figure out the Canadian part ( they had never done that before). Everyone in the office knew us by name whenever we went in ( many, many, many times). I could imagine what they were bemoaning the day we walked through the door, and I felt so bad for everything they went through that I ended up baking them cookies. Who takes cookies to their tax man? That's how bad I felt. Needless to say, I did not see an offer this year for them to do free taxes for teachers. So sorry, they did an incredible job and we are very thankful that they stuck it through to the bitter end. If there was an offer this year, I'm sure there was a disclaimer for American taxes only. Who does your taxes- are you a do it yourselfer, or do you have a tax guru?



Back to my decision. As I work best under pressure, I am choosing to go with my husband. I'm thankful he likes to do these little adventures. That's what the empty nest is all about, right? Spending time together after you no longer have to be running kids to ball games , appointments , and play dates. Leisurely drives in the country, rediscovering what brought us together in the first place, rekindling those first days of our courtship when we wandered aimlessly through antique stores together, searching for treasures hidden away in the back room somewhere. The taxes can wait. I'm going to spend time with my treasure.

Please share what you do with your husband to rekindle the romance. I'd love to hear.

First tears

Our youngest off to college, in another state three hours away, our middle child in school and hour and a half away, and our "eldest" child (as my mom calls me), 22 hours away in Utah, we are finally in the world of empty nesters. Our chicks have left the nest. But wait, my husband gets a job in CANADA- 20 hours north, a different country even. He doesn't even own a passport. So I am here in the empty nest and my husband flies the coop. All I am left with is the dog. And I don't even like the dog. Never wanted a dog, am stuck with the dog. More on her later.

I thought I would relish the time of no schedules (other than being at work on time), no responsibilities (other than the aforementioned dog), no pressures to do anything I didn't want to do because someone else needed me to do it. ( I love the phrase, your failure to plan is not my emergency. Somehow my kids and husband never quite got that idea. I was often running ambulances).

Thankful for wonderful neighbors and friends, I always had someplace to go when I needed a break from the tranquility and silence of my home. I had no ballgame I had to rush to, dinners to make, or mounds of laundry or dishes to wash. I was happy go lucky and free to do whatever I wanted. May sound heavenly to some moms that would love to be able to go to the bathroom by themselves for 3 minutes. ( The dog still won't let me- she nudges in to make sure I haven't fallen in I guess, peeking around the door.)

I remember the moment vividly. I was sitting in the parking lot of Kroger, having just gone to the grocery for the first time since my house had been evacuated. Sobbing uncontrollably. (Not over the cost of groceries, my husband had a job at the time remember.) I realized that for the first time in my life I had grocery shopped just for ME, and I was going home to live ALONE!! I had never lived alone in my life. From high school, I went to college, after college, I moved back home until I got married. I had never lived alone. And now after having raised three kids I was going to be living by myself and cooking for one. ( Or not- I ate a lot of cereal). No more thinking about what cereal to buy for whom, what to get so my picky youngest would eat something other than peanut butter and jelly. No more thinking about anyone else's choices but mine. I could buy the expensive things I had always glossed over as they would cost too much for more than one. But now I was one , and I could buy whatever I wanted! But I didn't want to. I would have much rather been buying for five, and cooking up big pots of chili, and gobs of cheesy potatoes. And not eating cereal for dinner.

Advice to harried moms? Enjoy the rat race. Embrace family dinners. Love leftovers. Hug your kids even when they only eat PBJs. And get yourself a dog. Most likely, it will stick around when everyone else flies away.